I just made my first purchase of a couple of prints from Despair.com. Upon checkout I received a confirmation page that is a master work in sarcasm...delicious.QUOTE
Let the Buyer's Remorse Begin!
It's official. Your credit card number is valid. Even as we speak, money is virtually flying out of your pocket and into our bank account. As you wait an indeterminable span for the order to arrive, your enthusiasm for this purchase will wane and be replaced with an alloy of buyer's remorse tempered with unease about the ridiculous interest rates you're paying on your credit card. And Another Dissatisfied Customer™ is born!
You should receive an email shortly notifying you of your order number, final cost and how to track your order status. This will only reinforce your unease, and at no additional cost!
You're More than Just Another Customer
You're more than just another order to us. In fact, you're the sum total of the amount you've spent with us, minus the designing, printing, fulfillment, licensing and other costs incurred to bring our products to you... Now that you've given us several dollars, feel free to share your two cents with us, as well.
Satisfaction Guaranteed*! With every order made, Despair, Inc.™ offers my unlimited personal guarantee. With every credit card effectively processed, my personal satisfaction is completely guaranteed*. And it is my promise to you, the holder of someone's valid credit card information, to commit myself to even greater degrees of self-satisfaction in the days and weeks to come, as I invest your hard-earned money in ever more gratuitous and hollow displays of wealth- with which I will intimidate and demoralize my narcissistic and materialistic peers in industry. Ah, the relentless pursuit of dejection!
* customer satisfaction, while theoretically possible, is neither guaranteed nor statistically likely.
END QUOTE
Regards,
Chief Show Officer
www.ShowOffCards.com
Home of the World's Most Unique Business Cards
Tags despair, sarcasm
3 comments:
Wonderful first visit for me, having been pointed to you by your tart mention of this funny/clever quote on the very tart/clev-nny ittyBiz.com.
This sweet sarcasm reminds me of the talented gal running http://www.knockknock.biz -- charming paper products (not shilling, I promise!) But she's got lovely file folders marked CRAP, MORE CRAP and TOTAL CRAP -- so I had to buy several sets. Her ABOUT page really shows her voice.
But your good taste having led me here, now I 'spose I'll have to stay a bit and read more of YOUR work -- thank you!
Ya gotta love www.ittybiz.com
Thanks for the comment girlpie, but dang! Now I gotta go order my own crap holders...thanks a lot :^)
This is one of the funniest posts I've ever read. I wish I could say something along the lines of this to my customers, but I'm sure it wouldn't go over too well. A lot of people are already frustrated enough with spending money at my store.
Not frustrated with me or my place of business, just with their situation in life. To be more accurate, their situation is that their car has just been smashed and they're forced into a rental.
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